Matchmaker
by WishyOceans
Summary: Another iOMG continuation fic, in which chicken pot pie is a mysterious dinner, Spencer has urinary problems, and Carly is a successful little matchmaker.


DISCLAIMER: I do not own iCarly. I also do not own the snippet of conversation that I used in this fic. That snippet is a from a "possible season 4 script" from DanWarp's website, written by Dan Schneider. If you want to find it, just google "DanWarp When Fans Assume…" =) It starts with "Can we just not talk about it?" And ends with, "I didn't say I was in love with you." Happy reading!

It was silent, for the most part. The three friends were all lost in their separate yet equally wild thoughts.

Freddie's mind was whirling through a variety of memories – _"_We _should kiss?" – _finally coming to rest on a conclusive _oh. _Was _this _what was behind every insult, every beating? Sam was in love with… Him?

Sam's mind, in a contradiction to Freddie's, was engaging in a masochistic battle. _Why is he so quiet? What's the quickest exit from here? _And finally, _there's no going back now. _

It was, quite simply, over.

Finally, Carly's mind, the final point in their uneven triangle, was about ready to self-combust. _Oh my god. Oh, my god. Oh my _god. _Sam's in love with FREDDIE? Not that Freddie isn't a great guy and everything, but SAM'S in love with FREDDIE? _

Sam could see Freddie putting two and two together, his eyes rapidly darting up and down, before coming to rest on Sam as if he'd never seen her clearly before. Sam bit her lip. She wished that he would go back to avoiding her gaze. Several more seconds clicked by. Carly considered grabbing a nearby pair of scissors, if only to see if the tension between the two friends was as cuttable as it seemed.

"Look, Freddie-" Sam began, just as Freddie stuttered out, "Sam, I-" They once again lapsed into an awkward silence.

"So, it's not Brad you're in love with, it's… Me?" He seemed to choke on the words.

"You surprised?" She met his gaze this time, an almost-smile gracing her features. She _did _love to catch Fredders by surprise…

"Well… Yeah. I mean, you never really indicated…" He trailed off lamely. _Didn't she? _Freddie wondered. She had always condemned his love for Carly, and she never did deny it when he sarcastically retorted "Aww, Sam, if you're in love with me just say so!" He also knew that Sam wasn't the, erm, _best ever _when it came to expressing feelings that weren't anger… Maybe fighting with him was her way of telling him she liked him.

_Not "like", _he reminded himself with a gulp. _Love._

Sam just raised her eyebrows. In any other circumstance, she would've ripped him a new one for being so daft. But this wasn't "any other circumstance," so she merely replied, "I guess this means that you don't like me back. It's cool; I figured as much." She went to walk past him, but found her wrist being grabbed just a bit desperately. Turning back to face the room's other occupant with her traditional defiant stance, she stared at him questioningly.

"Wait, Sam!" He dropped her wrist. "I'm still in a bit of a shocked state, ok? Could you just give me a bit of time to think about this?" Sam shook her head solemnly, and pushed past him to the door.

Meanwhile, Carly, who had her ear pressed rather uncomfortably against the door, realized with a jolt that she was about to be discovered and most likely massacred. However, before she had time to process that frightening realization and scatter on out, the door flew open, and Carly got to be very familiar with Sam's worn sneakers.

"_Carly_?" Sam and Freddie exclaimed in simultaneous surprise. There was then a brief awkward moment: it was one of those moments in which everyone stood stock-still, glancing around at each other, trying to decide who would react first: Carly, who laid frozen on the ground, or Sam and Freddie, who remained statues in their respective places. Another second passed.

"Carly!" A voice bellowed, thrusting them all out of their reveries. Gibby rounded the corner; a gigantic, transparent soap container that looked to be holding pink nail polish in it rested in his hands.

"The chicken pot pie is almost- hey, what's going on in here?" He glanced around the room suspiciously.

"Nothing, Gibby," Carly replied quickly. "What's wrong?"

"Oh man, you're gonna wanna come see this. Spencer kinda peed on-"

"We actually DON'T want to hear that story," Freddie found his voice. "Yeah, I think I'll be fine without that one, too," Carly added quizzically.

"So, um, Gibby!" Carly began in an unnaturally high voice. She tried to make it sound normal, before continuing, "Can you get us some more chicken pot pie? It's in the boiler room, behind that giant poster of… That thing." She ended with disgust apparent in her voice. Gibby shrugged, evidently oblivious to the tension in the room. "Sure thing."

The door shut loudly behind his retreating form, throwing the trio back into their previous silence.

"So, um… What exactly happened here, guys?" Carly finally asked.

Freddie glanced nervously at Sam. "Well, uh, I was just talking to Sam, and uh…"

"I kissed him," Sam finished monotonously.

"I could see that," Carly mumbled to herself, before looking back up at them with a beam shining off her face.

"Well, that's great! So are you guys, like, dating now?"

"Not exactly," Freddie began slowly, as Sam interjected, "No." Her face was unreadable.

"And why not?" Carly demanded, a hand coming to rest on her hip. "And don't even _try _to give me that b.s. about still being in love with me! I know for a fact that you aren't. You promised!"

"Whoa, Carly!" Sam smirked, feeling a bit more herself now that the spotlight was on Freddie. "Did I just hear Little Miss Priss say 'b.s.'?"

"What's so wrong about using an abbreviation to say 'bad stuff'?" Carly looked confused, as Sam shook her head in mock sadness.

"Oh Carly."

The hand went back to Carly's hip. "Don't even try to make this about me, missy." The smile slid off Sam's face.

"Whatever. I gotta go… Do that thing… Bye." She didn't look at them as she hurried away, out of their sight. Carly watched her go, frowning, before rounding back on Freddie.

"Ok, boy. Talk to me. _Why aren't you saying yes to Sam_?"

"Can we just not talk about it?" Freddie pleaded. He was confused enough as it was. He didn't need Carly's beautiful face puzzling him even more.

"No, we _can't_ not just talk about it."

"But my mom's waiting for me to-"

"I don't care. _Are you in love_?"

"Soo… What was in that chicken pot pie? I mean, I know 'chicken', obviously, but what other-"

"_Are you in love or not?_" A moment passed.

"Yes." Carly sighed.

"But you _promised_. You said you wouldn't fall in love with me as long as-"

"I didn't say I was in love with _you." _Carly looked confused.

"Well, then… Who _are _you in love with? If it's not Sam, and it's not me…" Freddie sighed, running his fingers through his hair unhappily.

"I don't know!" He finally burst out. "I thought I was in love with you, but apparently I'm not, and I never thought that I could be in love with Sam, but apparently she's in love with me, and there were kinda sparks when we kissed, but maybe I was just imagining it, and I'm so _confused._" Carly nodded in understanding, although how she could possibly understand the situation was lost on Freddie.

"Look, Freddie," Carly began, staring him earnestly in the eyes. "I know that you've thought that you were in love with me for a while, and it's hard to just brush off those feelings. I also know that you're a boy, and are therefore by definition less able to work these things out on your own… Unless you're gay," she added thoughtfully.

"But clearly, you're not, so I'm still right. Look, Sam _really _likes you. I may not have realized it until now either, but now that it's come to light, it does seem kind of obvious, doesn't it? I can't believe that I missed it, I mean I'm her _best friend, _you'd think that she would have told me or I would have realized-" She stopped herself mid-rant, cooling down with a smile.

"But anyway. My point is, I get that you're confused. But I also think that you should go for it. Look, maybe it won't work out. But you'll never know unless you give it a try, right?" Freddie bit his lip thoughtfully. She had a point.

"Thanks Carly. You're an amazing friend." Carly grinned, pulling him close for a hug.

"I know!" She joked. "Now go on! Get your feisty girl." Freddie nodded, and scuttled out in a fashion similar to the way that Sam had exited.

Carly shook her head, watching him go. "They grow up so fast!"

"Hey," Freddie said, saddling up to where Sam was sitting, tapping the floor anxiously. He had been looking for her for a good ten minutes, before finally finding her hidden in the school's kitchen.

She unplugged her iPod, looking up at him with slight disdain. The tapping stopped.

"Oh. It's _you._" Freddie frowned. She was _not_ going to make this easy for him.

"Yeah, it's me. Listen, I talked to Carly, and um…" He searched for the right words. _How can I put this in a way that isn't offensive…_

_ "_'And um' what?" She replied rudely. Freddie struggled for another second or two. _There just aren't any fitting words!_ He couldn't believe that the English language had chosen this precise moment to fail him.

Unable to find words, he simply looked at her. She was beautiful:_ beautiful, but deadly; like a rose_, he mused. _And she's… Staring right at me. _Their eyes met. He leaned forward, intoxicated by her heavy gaze. She leaned as well, looking a tad shocked as she did so.

Their lips met. Hers cool, his soft. The kiss was different than before: Freddie actually participated this time, much to Sam's relief. After some time had passed – neither of the two could tell if it had been mere seconds or minutes – they broke apart.

"So, uh, Sam," Freddie began, nervous despite the cheesy grin that was beginning to make its way across his face, "are we like boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

Sam smirked, happy to finally have her normal control back. Fredward having the ball in his court was just _wrong_. "I dunno. Maybe." Sam shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not really the 'girlfriend' type, Princess. Then again, with you, that's no problem!" Freddie rolled his eyes, secretly glad that the old Sam was back.

"Whatever, Sam." Freddie suddenly grinned. "Since when is Carly such a matchmaker?" Sam scoffed.

"Uh, since ever? It's just that the 'matches' usually _suck._ Never mind Carly, though." She pulled him back into a kiss.

"We have some catching up to do."


End file.
